It was way back in September 2012, when, infuriated by the snoozing passengers surrounding me, I decided to post a status on Facebook declaring that sleeping on trains is a complete waste of time.
My so called “friends” disagreed.
In a bid to prove them wrong, I set out to write a book from start to finish on the daily commute.
The chapter below was written while I commuted from Headcorn to London on Wednesday 28th August 2013 and sums up just about everyone that you will ever encounter on a morning commute.
So which one are you?
As I look around the carriage this morning, I can see a real mix of people. It’s a nice reminder that commuters come in many forms and very rarely fit the typical stereotype of smart suits and broadsheet newspapers. I would say that only around half of the people in my carriage this morning are wearing typical business attire, while the other half are adorned with a colourful array of casual clothes.
As a tribute to commuters everywhere and in the hope that you will all recognise a few of the people mentioned, I have decided to write a poem.
There’s not one person that makes a commuter
Some sit quietly and work on their computer
Others use the time to apply their make up
While others look depressed over their latest break-up
Then there are those that talk on their phone
And others that can’t leave their willy alone
Of course there is always a noisy eater
And you will always sit next to the broken heater
There is always a train guard that looks like yoda
And a guy in the corner with questionable odour
There is always someone tapping their feet
Now here comes fatty with his huge broadsheet
There is always an old guy that should have retired
And a person who’s ticket has just expired
The guy with the braces, whose starting to snore
And the one with the glasses, the office bore
The hungover guy, collapsed in a heap
And five or six others are fast asleep
But always be careful and make sure you look
For the guy by the toilets, who’s writing a book
As They Slept – Part 4 half price and available to download for ONLY £0.99p 8am November 15th to 10am November 18th